After taking a day and a half to get settled in at my newest digs, it was time to get gussied up and get off to the Pismo Car Show, an annual event that really brings in the crowds. I actually put on makeup for the first time in months and curled my hair. I hadn’t realized how much I missed looking like a human instead of some camp-crazed animal, so I felt good; in fact I felt great!
Approaching downtown Pismo, it soon became apparent that parking was going to be a problem. I got as close as I thought I would be able, and miraculously found a spot on the street I could pull right into and didn’t have to parallel park. All righty, that was easy! I got the dogs all hooked up, got water for them and their portable water bowl, my camera, my purse, sunscreen on, cowboy hat for later when my hair went to shit, I was ready. I asked someone walking back how far it was to the car show and he replied it was a short 10 minute walk. Perfect. I set out, having to pee badly already from all the water I had been drinking. After the “short 10 minutes”, it was obvious we still had a long walk to get there. The man had lied, or else he was a very fast walker. I could go no farther without relieving myself. I walked up to the nearest hotel, tied the dogs to a pole, ignored the “Restrooms Are For Customers Only” sign, and told the man at the reception counter that I had an emergency. He waved me into the restroom. I unloaded my shoulders of all my gear and had one of those come to Jesus thank you dear Lord moments that all women know what I am talking about. Another mission accomplished.
Returning to the dogs, I gave them water and realized it wasn’t fair to them, especially little Bella, to walk them around in this heat. We weren’t even there yet and Bella was already exhausted and hot. I had just seen, minutes earlier, some idiot teenage girl walking her English Bulldog down to the show with no water for the dog and I felt like punching her. The poor thing was overheating and about to collapse and she was oblivious. Ignorant people, or at least people ignorant about the breed they own, have no business owning animals. I had no choice for Jack & Bella’s sake but to walk back to the car and try to find a closer, shadier spot. Traveling with dogs is great for keeping you company, but it can also be very limiting when it comes to doing things. Leaving them behind in air-conditioned Hammy wasn’t an option either, as I had discovered long ago. I tried it last summer on the road and when they saw me drive away without them, they went bonkers inside the camper and started barking and carrying on in the worst way, like I was never coming back. So wherever I go, they must come with me. Being rescue dogs and having both been left for long periods of time on their own, their fear of abandonment makes them lose it. It is their only flaw in otherwise perfect dogs, and I can not fault them for something humans had done to them.
People of course were overjoyed that I was giving up this fantastic parking spot so early in the afternoon and my spot was taken immediately. “Have fun walking for half an hour before you even get there,” I thought to myself as I drove away. Thirty-five minutes later I was still driving around looking. “This is nuts!”, I said aloud to the dogs, and contemplated just giving up and returning to the campground. But I was all dressed up with nowhere else to go, so I was in this thing. I had been here an hour and still hadn’t made it to the car show. It was now 2 pm and I was getting sweaty, frustrated, hungry, and pissed off. Never a good combination when it comes to me, as people who used to know me and now no longer want to hang out for some reason, can attest.
After going in endless loops following all the other idiots trying to park far away, I finally got off the merry go round and just drove into town, literally 2 blocks from the car show. There was a church up on the hillside and people were leaving. “Thank you Universe!”, I shouted and pulled into a spot out of the sun. I lifted the back hatch for the dogs, made sure they had plenty of water, grabbed my stuff and headed out. The back of the Tahoe was also facing the ocean where a great breeze was blowing in. The dogs were happy campers and so was I that I didn’t have to take them after all and subject them to the sun.
I finally hit main street Pismo, which is actually business Highway 1, going right through the center of town. Up and down side streets for blocks I wandered, looking at hundreds of cars. I even made my way down to the beach where a few were parked on the pier. Truth be told, it was nothing more spectacular than any other car show I had ever been to in my life, and I have been to hundreds over the years. Feeling even more hungry and tired now, I made my way back the few short blocks to downtown in search of something to eat.
As I absentmindedly stared at the cars in the show in the middle of the closed off street, I had my eye on a burger and shake shack across the way. Still looking at the cars, I walked diagonally towards the restaurant. Suddenly, I realized that there were cops all around me and someone was down on the street at my feet in handcuffs - shit! I had walked totally unknowingly into the middle of an arrest! One cop, looking up and realizing that I was the thing that didn’t belong, asked me if I could kindly vacate the area. I told him I just wanted to get by him to get to the burger joint and he gave me a withering look. “This area is CLOSED right now, there is pepper spray all in here and I’m ASKING YOU to go somewhere else please.” Oh, you’re ASKING me, are you? I started to get my hackles up then decided I was more hungry than I was wanting to fight. Stepping around him, I ignored his request to not go to the restaurant and got in line.
“Guess I just missed some excitement,” I said to the people in line in front of me. “What happened, anyone know?” Looking around, I now saw them leading a man AND a woman away in handcuffs. “Oh, you know, some biker shit,” one guy spoke up. “The two women saw each other and started going at it, then their boyfriends joined in. There were cops standing about 10 feet away so it was about the stupidest place anyone could have started a fight in,” he said. “One woman got away so she’s still on the loose somewhere”. “Bummer I missed it”, I stated, “it would have added some excitement to the car show!”
I called Michael while I waited (and waited) for my mediocre food and told him about cars in the show, the fight I had missed, and my parking nightmare. He stated that there was always parking up on the hill by the church. We laughed as I told him that was exactly where I had ended up parking. We always have had that psychic connection. Ah, good times. It was now after 3 o’clock and I was just now getting my food, 20 minutes later. On some days eating lunch this late actually isn’t too far off the mark for me, but today I was a starved, crazed animal, having not had much breakfast. I wolfed down my sliders and shake and decided I had had enough of the cars, the crowds, the sun, and crappy food. I went to gather up my stuff to leave and - wait a minute, where was my fucking cowboy hat?
Try as I might to ask people at the restaurant and retrace my steps, it was gone. Fuck. That royally sucks, I thought to myself. If it had been any other hat, a ball cap, one of my vintage hats, I totally wouldn’t have cared, but this hat was special. I had owned it for 12 years and it had been with me for literally thousands of miles of road tripping. It was unique, perfectly broken in, a part of me. And now it was gone. I felt violated and dejected. Now I was really done with this day.
I walked back to the Tahoe and was happily greeted by the dogs. No matter how many years we have been together, I never tire of being greeted like I have been away for 100 years. It’s a good feeling, especially when I am feeling like this. I shut the hatch, climbed in the driver’s seat, put the A/C on full blast, and headed for the Ham. It’s true what they say, you know - a bad day at the beach is still better than a good day anywhere else.
Eli “The Gonzo” Hunter
For full photo album of complete trip, follow me on Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/eli.hunter.94
