It was only so fitting, so dramatic, so poignant I guess, that I learned of your death right before my favorite Thursday night show of 15 years began. The shock flowed through me all throughout the hour as you brought some of our favorite characters back from over those years. It was as if my own ER life was flashing before my eyes. It finally sunk in tonight that this WAS indeed the last season, and for a very real reason. It had nothing to do with ratings sinking, or people becoming tired of the show. It was because you were dying. You were fighting your own battle, all this time, and I had no idea. I felt guilty for not knowing, not hearing anything; what was I, living under a rock that this happened 10 days ago and I am just now finding out?
I don’t normally do this; say goodbye to someone I never met. I don’t normally do this, grieve for someone I never met. But you – you Mr. Crichton, you will always be family to me. I have been a faithful devotee of ER since its inception in 1993, and with good reason. Your talent as a writer, to bring us all back year after year, even with the losses of some of our beloved characters when we said we would never watch another episode, you kept us coming back with your incredible, genius talent that a true gifted writer possesses. I will always envy your ability to invoke all the angst and joy of being human over and over again, once a week for 15 years. I marveled in it every week, how does he do it? You always knew when to go full throttle, and then to back off, oh so deftly, at just the right moment, for the fullest affect, on our hearts and emotions.
I don’t know how many times over the years I said to myself and my daughters Taylor and Morgan, “I’m NOT watching ER this year, I just don’t know where else they can possibly go with the show”. Then every new season I HAD to watch the first episode, “just to see if it was going to be any good this year”, and sure enough, you would hook me all over again. It never lost its freshness, its relevance, in my world anyway.
As tonight’s episode was unfurling, I reflected on everything my own life has been through in those 15 years; the birth of two daughters, the breaking up of two major relationships, the death of my longtime companions Shadow, Libby & Levi, my cat and two dogs. Moving umpteen times, dealing with depression and anxiety after losing custody of my younger daughter to a heinous ex, losing our beloved pet tortoise Herb, and gaining two new wonderful dogs that now curl up with me on the couch every Thursday as if they know too it is time for our regular Thursday night ritual.
When it was announced this year would be the final season, I said to my family, “Finally! I will finally be free from having to watch ER!” My family looked sidelong at me, a collective smirk on their faces, probably knowing more than I did at that moment – that when it was over, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself on Thursday nights at nine o'clock anymore. And they were right; it hit me like a ton of bricks tonight. Mr. Crichton, what will I ever do without you? Stay tuned. I guess we’ll all find out together, because as we all know in the ER, life DOES go on. Life always goes on. Tonight my life goes on just a little bit heavier in my heart. Thank you. I loved everything you gave us all these years, which was more than you will ever know. May I ever become half the writer you were, I will truly know nirvana.
