I know that out in the world, thousands of people die everyday in equally thousands of different ways. Death is a fact of life, part of the life cycle, something we must not fear, but find peace and even beauty in. We even wonder how WE will die; will I live to be 100 or will I die tomorrow? We accept that there are no guarantees and that most of us, short of having a terminal disease, cannot predict how or when we will go. But we all know in the back of our minds that we will all have our moment that will be our last.
Most deaths that occur in the world, outside of our own community, will go unnoticed by us. We carry on each day, oblilvious to the fact that each moment as we go about our mundane activities, someone is dying at that very second. Today, someone's death did not go unnoticed for me and thousands of others in our mountain community. Today, we lost one of our own.
Sixteen year old Emily Keyes probably got up this morning and got ready for school the same way my own daughter did; fussing over her hair and make-up, always running late, barely any time to eat breakfast, hopping on the bus with a quick goodbye and "see you after school". Her thoughts were most likely on homework, her friends, boys, and all of the other normal sixteen year old things. She would never have suspected, never would have had an inkling or been able to imagine in a thousand years that she would die at school today, killed by a lunatic gunman for no reason whatsoever.
I rarely watch the news; I try to avoid it actually, and I never have my TV on during the day unless to occasionally watch something I have recorded on my DVR. Today, as I was preparing to leave the house, I noticed that the TV was flashing a message from our satellite cable company and I reached for the remote to flick it off B4 I left. I pushed the "View Live TV" button and there, live, was the breaking news story of the hostage situation at Platte Canyon High School, located 25 miles away from us in Bailey. I froze as the ticker at the bottom of the screen read off the names of the various schools that were in lockdown. My daughter's school was one of them. In shock and disbelief, I screamed, "Oh my God!" and lunged for the phone.
The phone rang too long B4 someone answered. They explained that it was just a precautionary measure and that they had just received word that everyone would be going home at the end of the day as usual. Even knowing that MY daughter and her school were safe was little consolation to me, as I knew that hundreds of other parents just up the road were living their worst nightmare, all of us remembering Columbine and thinking, "How can this be happening again?" The air hung heavy and all we could do was stay glued to the live news coverage until it was time to go pick up our kids from the bus.
My daughter was crying in the parking lot of her younger sister's school when we pulled up. I jumped out and we hugged tightly, both of us remembering how our own morning had started badly and each of us apologizing to the other. We had quarreled that morning as we had waited at the bus stop, and I confiscated her Ipod because she had not been concentrating enough lately on a school assignment. I told her not to come home without finding a book that was missing for the assignment, and her reply to me as she jumped on the bus was, "fine then, maybe I just won't come home at all".
I hoped with all my heart as the afternoon wore on and it was announced that one of the hostages had died that she had not fought with her mother that morning. I hoped with all my heart that she had said goodbye to everyone in a proper fashion, told everyone that she loved them, and headed off to school without a care in the world and a song in her heart. And as glad and as thankful as I am that it wasn't my daughter who died today, that does not by far diminish the pain, the anger, and the hurt I feel for the family whose daughter did not come home from school today.
Today. Today was a typical bright, sunny, beautiful, fall Colorado day. The aspen trees are in their full glory now, one of my favorite times of the year. And although horror unfolded all around us this afternoon, I was glad that Mother Nature shone on - oblivious and seemingly silently mocking the destruction of humanity that was taking place B4 us. It was strangely comforting somehow, to know that it would just go on being, unaffected by what was happening.
Even though I didn't know Emily personally, I will never forget her. Her school picture on the news tonight was sunny and happy and that is how I will choose to remember her. Sixteen year olds, nor any children for that matter, should not be allowed to die. It should be against the law. But karmically and universally I know that this cannot be, and we cannot spend our time asking the useless question of "Why?" because there is no answer to the randomness of life. It simply is. This is 4U Emily; may your soul soar free now. I am sorry for the way your life ended, but I am glad for the time that you had here on this Earth and with your family. You taught me a very valuable lesson today and for that I am grateful 2U. Never part ways with anyone, be it for a few hours, the day or a lifetime, with angry words between you. You could end up with guilt and sorrow that would be unbearable to live with.
